Cremation Blog

The Delaware River and the ocean it runs to have been the life blood of the city of Brotherly Love. It should come as no surprise, then, that so many Philadelphians find comfort in selecting a scattering service into the great river and the Atlantic Ocean beyond.

But an interesting story has recently come to light out of that city to the north, from the borough of Brooklyn. It is there that two octogenarian twin brothers have decided a simple scattering service is not what will suit them when it is time to shuffle off this mortal coil. 

If you are a frequent visitor to our blog, you know that we place a special importance on educating Philadelphians about the process of cremation and how it has become the choice of the majority of those preplanning their own end-of-life arrangements. While we are proud of the information we provide on our blog, we also want to highlight community events that serve to offer further insight into one of the most important decisions we can make in our lives.

On Tuesday of this week, there will be two events held at the Parsippany Main Public Library. The first of the two events is entitled “In Dying Order: Exploring Burial, Cremation, Funerals, and Other Options.” Leading the discussion for those in attendance will be a local funeral director who will frankly discuss the issues surrounding the formulation of our end-of-life planning. Attendees are urged to preregister for the event by calling (973) 887-5150, ext 209 or by signing up at www.parsippanylibrary.org.

You may or may not have heard of the curious instance of the cremated remains that were recently discovered in an open lot in the 2600 block of Oakdale Street in North Philadelphia’s Strawberry Mansion area. The mystery was never centered on the identity of the person within the receptacle. The box provided the name of the individual, Linda Upshur. The mystery was how the ashes found themselves in an open lot as well as to whom the receptacle should be returned.

Along with providing the identity of the person contained in the receptacle, the box also had printed the date of death, date of cremation, and the location of the cremation, Ivy Hill Cemetery and Crematory. This allowed enterprising journalists the ability to begin the search for finding the rightful home and resting place for Ms. Upshur. Unfortunately, representatives from Ivy Hill stated their records showed Ms. Upshur’s cremated remains were released to a funeral home shortly after the cremation, and that funeral home provided no leads in solving the mystery. 

Of the many benefits of cremation, one of the most notable is the romantic notion of scattering the ashes. Many people begin to plan their memorial services in their head early on and imagine having a loved one scatter their ashes across their favorite landscape, on top of a mountain, or even cast at sea. Poetic as this gesture may be, a new survey from California and Washington funeral providers shows that more people are choosing to keep their ashes in the home. According to the survey, one in five people are storing ashes in their home. More often than not, these family members are storing the ashes of their parents in their house. A smaller percentage of people choose to keep the ashes of their spouse in the home. It’s an interesting divide that points to different preferences we have when it comes to memorializing some of the people closest to us.

Of all those who keep ashes in their homes, 54 percent said they kept the ashes of their parents. When asked, they said they wanted to keep the memories of their parents close to home. Though many choose to keep the ashes in an urn and stored in a place of honor in the house, many turn their backyards into private memorials.

The topic of death is often difficult or plain uncomfortable to discuss, but for many it remains a point of interest and curiosity. There are others who view death as simply another part of life and therefore a topic to be discussed with frankness and honesty. Caitlin Doughty is one such person, and she has made it her life’s work to make it easier for those unsettled by death to ask questions and talk about the end. It’s a good thing Doughty isn’t shy about death. As a 30-year old mortician, she isn’t just answering questions of the curious; she’s already written and published her memoirs, detailing her life as a young person with a serious interest in death, cemeteries, and the like. It’s also in her memoirs that she refers to cremation as “the American way of death” as she points out the many options offered to any who choose cremation.

As a licensed mortician, Doughty has noted the chasm between those who refuse to discuss death and those who are genuinely curious and interested by it. She wanted to bridge this gap between the two and allow those made nervous by the topic to ask some of their most burning questions, and she does so in a very public way. In her YouTube series entitled “Ask A Mortician,” Doughty tackles topics including what happens to hip, knee, and breast implants, if dead bodies are dangerous, and “Are Those My Mother’s Ashes?” In each video Doughty answers these questions and more with candor and compassion, accepting and even encouraging the curious. Of all the topics she discusses, there is one which is particularly close to her heart. In a series of interviews given for the release of her memoirs, Doughty spoke passionately about the rights families have when it comes to their deceased loved ones.

According to the Cremation Association of North America, cremations are increasing due to factors like low costs, flexibility, and convenience. Perhaps surprisingly, one of the top five factors driving an increase in cremations is growing religious acceptance of the practice. Although many people still prefer traditional burial to cremation, some churches have accepted the practice and are even creating burial places for cremated remains.

In keeping with the trend, several Philadelphia-area churches have incorporated cremation memorials into their grounds. One such church is the Hopewell United Methodist Church in Downington. Just last year, the church unveiled a memorial garden for scattering and two columbaria to house cremated remains. Four more structures are planned for future cremation burials.

At Bryn Mawr’s Episcopal Church of the Redeemer, cremations outnumber burials by 3 to 1. The church, which had reserved 15 acres in 1960 for expansion, used the space to construct two columbaria that each holds 96 cremation urns. At Paoli Presbyterian Church, space for cremated remains is quite popular. About 100 people have already reserved space in the brick wall surrounding the church’s garden, and another 150 people plan to have their ashes scattered in the memorial garden.

New ideas, concepts, and actions undergo an evolution before they attain a general cultural popularity. When a subject is uncomfortable to acknowledge or discuss, it remains in the background, almost in the realm of a taboo. As it begins to take hold in the mainstream, popular culture’s media avenues recognize it, perhaps mixing humor with the inappropriate or the macabre. And finally, it is discussed in a matter-of-fact manner, signifying the overall cultural acceptance of the idea, concept, or action.

Cremation is one such concept which has followed this natural arc toward a broader acceptance. Only a few decades ago, the fact individuals and families shied away from cremation was represented in the relatively low number of individuals who opted for cremation over a traditional burial. Any representation in media of the practice was typically a combination of antiquated and foreign, (e.g. Viking funerals).

Cremation has been an accepted practice for thousands of years in differing cultures and a popular means of final disposition in the U.S. for some time. And now, one group who largely opposed the practice is starting to come around. Though many Christians may believe cremation is an affront to their chosen religion, more of their kind are choosing it as their final rite of passage. In fact, the Catholic church lessened their restrictions against cremation decades ago, allowing it as an option for burial, though under a new set of restrictions. Now, other denominations are making accommodations for those in their flock who are choosing this traditional option. According to a recent news story, some churches are even inviting those in their congregation to choose cremation.

According to a story by the Philadelphia Inquirer, one pastor at a local Methodist church has noticed the trend and has opened a memorial garden where people can remember their loved ones, no matter which burial method they’ve chosen. Hopewell United Methodist Church, under the leadership of pastor Steve Morton, has recently opened a memorial garden and two columbaria to accommodate all members of his congregation, buried or otherwise. Speaking on this, Reverend Morton said, “The church has got to get in there with something sacred and beautiful.” Morton also said his church plans to open another 4 columbaria to accommodate the growing trend of those choosing cremation as a part of their end-of-life plans.